Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
