I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
