Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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