I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
