Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
