smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Welp...herpes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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