i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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