Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
