yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
