We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
