Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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