The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
