I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
