i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
