Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
