So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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