I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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