I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I want a musical about memes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
