Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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