fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
