grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
