My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
