totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
