dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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