Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
