idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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