So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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