I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
