Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i will never coherently bang her
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
