If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
