it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
