I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
