My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
