Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
