What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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