I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
