She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
