Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
