In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
