When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
