I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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