I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
