i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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