I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
