o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize