I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
