I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just blew my weed a kiss
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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