I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
