Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
