Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
