where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
