You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
