even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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