i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
