oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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