i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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