Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
my liver is dry heaving
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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