I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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