Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
