I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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