does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's shark week go big or go home
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
