I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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