I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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