I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
