I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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