i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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