I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
