This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
