Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We left an ass print on the piano.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
