Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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