What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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